Inspired by true events, “Colonia” is a thriller set inside Colonia Dignidad

A cult-like community in Chile that also served as a torture camp for political prisoners during the Pinochet regime in the ‘70s.

Writer-director Florian Gallenberger seems to think he’s making a serious-minded historical thriller in the tradition of “Argo” or “All the President’s Men.”

The movie closes with stark photos of the real camp and its inhabitants, and bears a dedication to those who died there.

Unfortunately, what the filmmaker has wound up with is something that feels like it should be playing at the bottom end of a triple bill at a drive-in.

Here’s another frame of reference: If you ever saw the episode of “Charlie’s Angels” in which the women infiltrated a prison, you’ll have a good idea of what to expect.

Emma Watson plays Lena, a flight attendant in a lovey-dovey relationship with her politically active boyfriend, Daniel (Daniel Brühl).

They coo, take nude pictures and whisper “te quiero” to each other. In other words, they are extremely annoying.

Daniel is captured for his leftist political work and thrown into the camp, which is led by Paul Schäfer (Michael Nyqvist in full Jim Jones glower). Lena manages to get inside, and soon she is binding her bosom and dressing like an extra from “Little House on the Prairie” to fit in. She reunites with Daniel, who has been passing himself off as mentally challenged. He achieves this by tilting his head to the side and opening his eyes wide, like a dog when it hears an unfamiliar cellphone.

Watson doesn’t bring any kind of weight to the role, though she looks cute dashing about in her flight attendant garb. Brühl can’t do much with what he’s given, and the two simply feel lost at sea. The whole thing is a campy, exploitative mess, and the kind of lurid thrills offered up (see Emma Watson tortured!) feel at odds with the memory of real-life people who suffered under the hands of Schäfer.

Reach the reporter at [email protected] or 602-444-8849. Twitter.com/randy_cordova.

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